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Lately I've been focusing more on Circle 1 time (time spent alone in community with God.) I've really felt the benefit of this in my daily life. I usually just listen to this one song that has a particular meaning to me, and just say that as a prayer to God. I'll also scroll randomly through my music on my computer, and stop when I feel like I should. Sometimes the song that I land on has meaning at the time, or turns out to be a really spiritual moment.
When I was little, I used to "dance with God." I didn't really call it that, but that's basically what it was. I would just start dancing to music, and completely let go. I remember finding this extremely freeing, and I have great memories of this.
Soon, though this started to be "embarrassing." People would find me, and then want to watch me. This was intimidating, and I soon stopped dancing with God.
Recently, in doing more Circle 1, I've felt the urge to dance again. I mean, I dance still, and sometimes even in front of people. It's just the dancing from my heart that I don't like people seeing.
Last night, I finally got up the guts to. I was alone in my room, and it was late at night. I was about to start listening to the usual song. (Everything, by Lifehouse.)I decided I'd get up and light candles, and sit on the floor. I just felt like I should.
I love candles, and frequently have them burning, so this wasn't very strange feeling to me at all. So, I got on the floor, and started my Circle 1 time. I listened to a few other songs-ones that I felt I should-and then scrolled through to Everything.
When the song came on, at first I just did what I had been doing. But the urge to dance was stronger. Finally, I just went for it. I haven't danced like that in years. It felt great to just let go of myself. Even though nobody could see me, it's a step to being back to where I was.
Have you ever noticed how evil squirrels are? They just sit up in trees and mock us. They really enjoy mocking my dog, Barkley. He's a little Cockapoo, a Cockerspaniel and a Poodle mix. He's pretty small, but he thinks he's bigger than he is.
The squirrels sit in the top of trees and shake their tales, and Barkley will sit there for ever barking. I'm on Barkley's side, even though the barking is annoying.
So, today, it happened again. This time I could clearly see the squirrel from where I was sitting in the dining room.
There was a football on the porch so... I decided I was tired of evil squirrels. I threw the football twice, and hit it both times. It left.
I hope that's not animal abuse. I love animals but...squirrels deserve it. Ask anybody.
The Random Thoughts of A Confused Teenager:
Life is confusing. That’s a fact that you are probably quite familiar with, but if not, you should take some time to consider it. I’m sure you’ll find it fits. I think I speak for all teenagers when I say that life seems to be particularly confusing in this stage. You can say we’re just overly dramatic, and have no idea how hard it is to be an adult, and you’re right. We can be way overly dramatic, and we don’t know what it’s like to be an adult. But I think some people just need to be reminded what it’s like to be a teenager.
For instance, the common stereotypes and classifications used on teenagers; some by teenagers, some by adults. The human mind likes to classify things. I have learned this from observing, and just thinking about my own brain. It makes it easier to think about things if they’re all in their own little group. Classifications can be like the closet organizers of our brains. We classify everything. From types of music, animals, shoes, buttons, clothes, hair-types, cars, books, and whatever else you can think of. Everything has it’s own special spot. To me that doesn’t seem to be a problem. When it starts getting messy, though, is when people are thrown into that mix. There are many problems with classifying people. One big problem is that people have so much depth to them. We’re constantly surprising each other, and even ourselves. I think you could live with someone for all your life, and you’d still be surprised by them sometimes. Unless that person is quite boring, and they’re life is compact enough to fit into their mandatory-to-have-at-all-times organizers. But there aren’t too many people like that, so I’ll continue with my point.
So, if people are always changing, how can they fit into just one stereotype? I’ve never known what I would be classified as. Am I a nerd? Prep? Jock? Besides, who are we to tell people who they are? What If Joe, the jock, really loved chess, but everyone told him he was no good at chess, and should stick to football? Why is that their decision? Why is it our decision?
What are we thinking? Why are we still so convinced it’s our job to tell people who they are? Why can’t people just do what they want to do, be who they want to be, and just live their lives?
Because people are control freaks. We all are. Like I said, we like to have everything have it’s own spot, be organized, safe, happy, and complete. But wouldn’t it be safer, happier, and more complete if there was room for growth and change?
I’m reading this amazing book called Velvet Elvis. It’s about the Christian faith, and right now I’m reading about how the doctrines and beliefs often get in the way of the big picture. He’s using this really awesome analogy about a brick wall and a trampoline.
If the doctrines and beliefs of religion get in the way of the actual point of our religion, they’re becoming a wall. A brick wall, where every little piece of information we believe to be true, every little foundation we’ve built up in our minds has it’s own spot. But if one of those bricks moves, or grows, the whole wall comes crashing down. So basically, the carefully built faith was really just a bunch of tools that were in the way.
Whatever your beliefs or religious views are, you probably have some idea of a bigger picture, a larger than just us presence of some sort. You may not. But if you do, you’ll know it’s very hard to understand that presence, God, or whatever you believe. You may have a bunch of beliefs, doctrines, or opinions that help you to understand this larger presence. If we use these beliefs as they’re meant to be used, it becomes more of a trampoline, with these core values and beliefs as the springs, then doesn’t it become easier to jump? We have a somewhat clearer view on what it is that we’re believing in, and we understand it just a bit more. What if these classifications and stereotypes were just the springs to how we think of people? What if we used them as ways to try to understand people, but it wasn’t set in stone, like the wall. Springs move, bend, and expand, just like people. But the person is not the st
ereotype, just as the trampoline is not the spring. The classification is just an easier way for us to understand people, but it does not define them, does not put prejudices against them. It just helps us understand how they jump.
Sundays are weird to me. I don't know why. They always have this feeling about them, that's hard to explain. They always seem to pass in a dream. Maybe it's because I'm so zoned out doing homework. But even still, they just have this wakeful sleepiness to them. Or a sleepy wakefulness. Choose which one works best for you.
